Office Humor Lovers Pillows

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

To Do List: Invent Smaller Post-It Notes.

'I'm currently looking to hire a workaholic who feels the good job he does is compensation enough.'

'I love men in uniformity.'

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'

'Well, why didn't you say you wanted the office to be functional?'

Hospital Reception - Ring for assistance

Imitate me, formerly 'Think'.

Having everyone do an hour of yoga in the office seemed like a good idea on paper.

'Judy, I'm bored. Are there any paradigms that need shifting?'

"Ouch! paper cut"

"Gawd! You startled me! I thought I had left for the day." Bob's perfectionism came back to haunt him ??" and go over the figures again.

Harvesting the folder crop in Manila

'Hello, you're through to customer irritation ... how may I help you?'

"Very comprehensive Roger, but I think it might be a bit over zealous for preventing paper cuts!"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Nothing to worry about - just a routine check of your I.D. Mrs Chan.'

"I'm sorry Henderson, your department has been eliminated cause of this new app!"

'A few of us are getting together after work to binge-drink. You're welcome to join us if you're not in recovery.'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

"I went out on a limb to hire you. Dolan."

Misery Loves Co., Inc.

'Don't think of it as being fired, think of it as being repurposed.'

'He's still in his probationary period.'

For workers who are in need of a discreet spot to catch some Z's comes Napquest.

'We'll save a fortune on air-conditioning.'

"Let me guess - PPI refunds, double glazing or, a tele-sales survey?"

Corporate Protocol

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'This is fine General. But how are your typing skills?'

'Abramowitz and Lowenstein, you've certainly earned this, but unfortunately we don't have enough room on the letterhead... Smith, congratulations!'

'Have you tried switching it off and on?'

Pirate has spike rather than hook, with paper on it: 'This job is not what it used to be ? too much paperwork for a start.'

I want you to make it so my eyes follow everyone around the boardroom