Office Humor Lovers Pillows

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

To Do List: Invent Smaller Post-It Notes.

'I'm currently looking to hire a workaholic who feels the good job he does is compensation enough.'

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'

'I love men in uniformity.'

'Well, why didn't you say you wanted the office to be functional?'

Imitate me, formerly 'Think'.

Having everyone do an hour of yoga in the office seemed like a good idea on paper.

Hospital Reception - Ring for assistance

'Judy, I'm bored. Are there any paradigms that need shifting?'

"Ouch! paper cut"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

"Gawd! You startled me! I thought I had left for the day." Bob's perfectionism came back to haunt him ??" and go over the figures again.

"Very comprehensive Roger, but I think it might be a bit over zealous for preventing paper cuts!"

'Hello, you're through to customer irritation ... how may I help you?'

Harvesting the folder crop in Manila

"I went out on a limb to hire you. Dolan."

'Nothing to worry about - just a routine check of your I.D. Mrs Chan.'

'A few of us are getting together after work to binge-drink. You're welcome to join us if you're not in recovery.'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

"I'm sorry Henderson, your department has been eliminated cause of this new app!"

Misery Loves Co., Inc.

'He's still in his probationary period.'

'Don't think of it as being fired, think of it as being repurposed.'

Corporate Protocol

'We'll save a fortune on air-conditioning.'

"Let me guess - PPI refunds, double glazing or, a tele-sales survey?"

You're SORRY?!! You bite the manager in the neck and fly out the window and all you can say is you're SORRY?!!

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'Have you tried switching it off and on?'

"You state on your resume that you're lazy, incompetent and unreliable. There is such a thing as being too honest."

'The main requirement for this job is the ability to live without money.'

' Is he expecting you?'

'You were fired from your last job when they caught you putting artificial sweetener in your coffee.'