Office Humor Fans Pillows

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

'I'm still evaluating the new truth serum, you micro-managing, pig-eyed, snot-nosed, burnt-out, impatient, obnoxious, penny-pinching, glory-hogging tyrant.'

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

'It says here you like to push the envelope.'

'I need Flag Day off.'

'Morning, Judy. Ever have one of those days when you feel like you forgot something?'

'I didn't have time to do my laundry last night, sir, so I just wore sticky notes today.'

'Here at Crowe Maritime Products, we like to let employees choose a health care plan that suits their needs. Now, step right up and spin the wheel.'

Avast Ye,, matey - there be a complaint against ye. One of the sea hags from accountin' says ye been swabbin' yer deck in view of the interns.

"Your job could be worse and I'm open to any suggestion to make it so."

'I don't know who I am anymore.'

We are looking to develop staff skills...but singing Queens greatest hits while balancing a bottle of beer on your face isn't one of them.

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Mr. Estes is unavailable. He's still pending."

Snowman named Frosty manning the Reception.

"Look, it's either 50 words a minute - or 5, if you want them spelt correctly!"

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

The annual running of the lawyers.

'The quarterly numbers are in. Bad CEO....'

'It's the dog catcher. Shall I tell him you're out of town?'

Age discrimination.

Think Big - 'I want a rise - a big one.'

"We have a great dental plan if you believe in the tooth fairy!"

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

'Sorry, I've just ran out of help, would you like some sex instead?'

'Never thought I'd miss elevator music.'

'The good news is that I'm prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it includes the decimal.'

'Hey, replace your divot.'

"I'll need you to come in at the weekend to attend our new staff care training on managing a 'work-life' balance."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'What a...sniff...wonderful compliment! This is really...sniff...touching...'

'I've learned to always stay polite, even when I talk to stupid idiots like you.'

"I was told to go to hell."

"We're a startup. We're looking for someone who can yank this cord."

"Yeah, but no progress in meeting..."