Office Humor Buffs Pillows

'When I said getting more sleep would help reduce stress I meant AT HOME!'

'No, it is not the same thing, now change it to Chief Executive Officer.'

'A word in my office Jones.'

"I suppose you’re wondering why I summoned you, minion." "Not really, boss." "I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: bikinis are getting smaller and smaller, so small, in fact, that they no longer hide anything." "I think it’s about time our cafe took a stand and did something to outlaw this moral decay." "That’s why I’ve arranged for you to hand ‘campaign donations’ to several city councilmembers." "This doesn’t have anything to do with our declining donut sales, does it?" "People should never have t

'If you bankers can count, how come you have six windows and only two tellers?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'