Office Humour Lover Pillows

Now Accepting New Twenties

"You apologized and expressed remorse, but you're still fired."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"