Office Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"It's always 'Sit,' 'Stay,' 'Heel'—never 'Think,' 'Innovate,' 'Be yourself.' "

"We are neither hunters nor gatherers. We are accountants."

Collaboration

"We got a call about a consultant."

"Of course I've got good people skills what kind of stupid question is that?"

"We were hoping that you could work from work today."

"The boss wants me to create a computer algorithm that converts hindsite into foresight."

'Run this by 'Legal,' but sprint it by 'Ethics.''

'I wonder if you could shed some light on this department's high 'miscellaneous expenditure' total?'

"I'm sick and tired of 'Generally Accepted Accounting Principles'."

'I think we have a communication problem.' - 'You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago.'

"And if you do any work, put it here."

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"No one could believe their eyes. Yet there he stood. In just three hours, fifty-one minutes and nine seconds, office supervisor Frank Fernlaw had proven that he very well COULD manage his way out of a wet paper bag, thank you very much."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"We've been accused of being a group of 'Yes' men!"

Urine Catcher

"Welcome abroad, Andrews. Now just see personnel on twelve, and antlers on fifteen."

'National Bring Your Brother-In-Law to Work Day'

"That happy little cloud floating over the Unicorp Building? I want that."

"The afternoon off?? - it's only a papercut...!"

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

'So what you're saying is that we've been defunct and out of business for over two years and you've just been waiting for the right time to tell me?'

'Mr Frimley, sir, can I have a word about the motivational artwork...'

"You don't get an office. You get cargo pants."

"As you can see from the flow chart, the problem stems from a lack of direction."

'We believe in making use of all the available space.'

'That went well.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

Sign reads: Customer service - Ring bell to be noticed.

'I was looking for a little stronger mission statement than that.'

The plan to increase productivity by canceling coffee breaks flopped.

'Can't you see? This isn't a real offer! They're just tossing us a bone!'