Lover Of Office Banter Gifts

"I hope your day is going bad."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'Now that you've moved in and unpacked, Higgins, we'd like you to start thinking outside of the box.'

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'JB, TS is waiting to see you and GR has just arrived.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

'Now, at first glance, this may LOOK like a challenge.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"I'd like you to fly the flag for the company Benson, albeit at half mast..."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

"Starting here, each person whisper to your neighbor the purpose of this meeting and we'll see what we end up with."

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'Seems like everyday is bring your work to work day.'

"That's settled, then. We'll lower our standards to meet the competition."