Office Banter Buff Gifts

"I'd never go out with him, but he does give great cubicle."

"I'm more of a dog person. Why?"

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'A word in my office Jones.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Casual Friday at the Zoo. Penguins.

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

'Have you met my vice-presidents?'

'Just because I'm Overpaid doesn't mean You're Underpaid.'

"Don't be irreplaceable, because if you can't be replaced...you can't be promoted."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"