Office Banter Buff Gifts

"I'd never go out with him, but he does give great cubicle."

"I'm more of a dog person. Why?"

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

'A word in my office Jones.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

"Don't be irreplaceable, because if you can't be replaced...you can't be promoted."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'Just because I'm Overpaid doesn't mean You're Underpaid.'

'Have you met my vice-presidents?'

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

"Get me some valium please, Miss Minster - I've just been stranded in the lift with the agony aunt!"