Boss Banter Enthusiast Prints

'You're stiff from too much grovelling and I'm afraid it doesn't count as an occupational disease.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"