Corporate Banter Enthusiast Prints

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Office pics on dinner table.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

Water company bonus.