Workplace Banter Champion Gifts

"Maybe we overdid the sedation."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Corp H.Q. In the corporate world, do you it's what you know or who you know? Neither, it's what you know about who.

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'Seems like everyday is bring your work to work day.'

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

'Have a great day, but not at my expense.'

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

Full Of Beans

"I miss the old water cooler."

"Here's a juicy bit of gossip for you!"

It was like he could read my mind.

"Before we start. Can I empower you to pour the coffee?"

'I quit drinking coffee with lunch - it was keeping me awake all afternoon.'

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

'After reviewing your job performance...'

"When I told you to cut expenses, I was making a battle-axe inference, not a butter knife inference."