Business Humorist Gifts

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'And, unfortunately, accounting is reporting that 'enough' is no longer enough.'

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

'Ok team.. let#s review: When the arrow goes down it mean...'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Take this mission statement back and rewrite it. More mumbo and less jumbo.'

"With the money we'll save by shutting down quality control, we can issue some truly spectacular apologies."

"Just preparing your books now, Gentlemen."

"I can't tel you what an honor it is to be the keynote speaker at the Supply Chain management Seminar."

Controversial boardroom appointments

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

'Ladies and gentlemen, today we're going to get down to nuts and bolts.'

'Please, just call me Mario. We like to keep things informal around here.'

'Unfortunately, our margin of error turned out to be our profit margin.'

"The proposal sounds good. Of course, I still have to run it by my people over at the Psychic Friends Network."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."

Sinking sales

'Why don't we wear business suits and call ourselves marketing executives? We could make a lot more money.'

"Now that's what I call customer satisfaction."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Before anyone gets too optimistic this is a chart of our corporate indebtedness."

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

'Since we're a startup, we were hoping you would pay us to work here.'

"Oh, just give me a pack of whatever the guys in marketing are targeting for jerks like me."

"No, we're not eliminating your position, Fischer. We're just eliminating your salary."

'Psst! Can I run your ethics committee?'

M. Peabody, V.P. Mind officially closed since 1975.

"I called this meeting to announce a new partnership that I believe will turn this company around."

"All in favor, say, 'Aye'."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

You selected one hell of a focus group!