Office Joke Collector Pillows

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Oh, I had some elevator trouble in the morning, but over all it was a pretty good day."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Useless add-ons.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Suffering from Cooties?

Friday

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

My daddy ate my homework

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.