Corporate Joke Collector Pillows

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Friday

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Cheating Death.

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.