Corporate Joke Lover Pillows

"Good news! You won't have to eat your lunch at your desk anymore...your lunch break has been outsourced."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Office pics on dinner table.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"It lost a little something in translation."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'