Corporate Comedy Collector Pillows

"Don't do anything rash, sir - The government gave us two more weeks to get into compliance!"

'This week I'm going to do something great for the company.'

'I've decided to delegate a lot more.'

"Very good Carter, but when you said you wanted to show us your Powerpoint we assumed you meant presentation!"

STRIP Paid in Stock

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Banana Split...

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

Turtle Hat

Snowmobull

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

E-Baying @ The Moon

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Filet minion

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

"The Eggsorcist"

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

A trevor of trainspotters