Workplace Humor Collector Pillows

"We were thinking about putting in an ESOP...but then we decided to just give employees lollipops."

'The boss is keeping his eye on you-and he's not the only one,Miss Thomson!'

'The boss said you can come back in now. But never, ever make eye contact with him again.'

'Listen up, people. We've been commissioned to create an internationally-recognized symbol for isolation.'

"If we're to manage 40% cuts then we have to make tough decisions."

'It's a fair severance offer. Why don't you sleep on it and let us know by the end of the day.' They were so on to him.

'That's not a typo. It's a cool place to keep your lunch.'

Salemen waiting outside buyers door, two are dead from waiting

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Friday

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

Concerned that she would be passed over for a promotion if management knew she was pregnant, Donna concealed the fact.

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'