Workplace Humor Collector Pillows

"We were thinking about putting in an ESOP...but then we decided to just give employees lollipops."

'The boss is keeping his eye on you-and he's not the only one,Miss Thomson!'

'The boss said you can come back in now. But never, ever make eye contact with him again.'

'Listen up, people. We've been commissioned to create an internationally-recognized symbol for isolation.'

"If we're to manage 40% cuts then we have to make tough decisions."

'It's a fair severance offer. Why don't you sleep on it and let us know by the end of the day.' They were so on to him.

'That's not a typo. It's a cool place to keep your lunch.'

Salemen waiting outside buyers door, two are dead from waiting

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

Friday

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"My assistant will show you the ropes."