Management Humor Collector Pillows

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Friday

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"Time to do it in!"

Job complaints on road signs.

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

'Fair warning, I'm in one of my 'moods'.'

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

Your call is important to us...

'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'