Management Humor Lover Pillows

'I'll take your collective silence as agreement. You may now remove your gags and muzzles.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'Now for the most important part of the Course - the difference between 'Delegating Responsibility' and 'Passing the Buck'!'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

Business Promotion.

Above reproach.

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

"The first chart is pre-Prozac and this chart is post-Prozac ... "