Management Humor Appreciator Pillows

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

Management Reshuffle

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

Job complaints on road signs.