Corporate Humor Appreciator Pillows

"We can't call it restructuring, we did that in 98' and 97',"

'Be careful...where there's one, there's two.'

"It appears they are in no hurry to start negotiating."

"Relax, we're cutting people, not perks."

"Appealing to a multicultural marketplace? That's not a bad idea, Benson - let's start playing some Tito Puente in the elevators."

'Hey! Is that one of our pens?!'

'People, my son, the new VP in charge of pizza and beer!'

'There's a staff stretched dangerously thin.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Office pics on dinner table.

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

In and Out Sourced.