Managerial Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Spot the difference.

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Office pics on dinner table.

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Not bad, considering no one knows exactly what we produce or sell here."