Management Humor Buff Pillows

'Why aren't you working?' - 'I didn't see You coming!'

'If anyone finds the Buck, could you please grab it and sit on it?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'