Management Humor Buff Pillows

'Why aren't you working?' - 'I didn't see You coming!'

'If anyone finds the Buck, could you please grab it and sit on it?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"It lost a little something in translation."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."