Humor In Management Pillows

"We're going to cut out the expensive, boring stiff and just build the top."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

Job complaints on road signs.