Executive Jester Gifts

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Mental Floss.

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"Casual Payday."

Economic Errata

'I think the main reason you see the glass as half full and we see the glass as half empty is because you've been drinking.'

'Well done, Goldsmith. You handled yourself like an old pro' in there.'

"My boss must have a heart of gold...it certainly isn't human."

As the Chief Corporate Adrenal Gland of the company, Fred's recommendations were rarely a surprise.

"Chief Second Guesser."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"