Corporate Jokes Gifts

"Oh, you know, I'm just a typical guy in a boring suit, working in the corporate industry."

"Perhaps we waited too long for Simms to grow into the Job."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"I hate performance review season."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Office pics on dinner table.

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'