Corporate Comedy Gifts

"This is where you'll be working. Don't worry if it's confusing at first, you'll have training."

"Maybe yes. Maybe no."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Clients can get a little tricky at these product analysis sessions.'

"I'll get my people to arrange a meeting with your people, so they can talk about trying to get us to meet again."

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'

'I told you not to take a left out of the office - now we're completely lost!'

'Neat! -- a silk umbrella!', 'Yes, but I was expecting a golden parachute.'

"No need to give me credit . . . I'll just take it."

"Stealing office supplies, eh? I'm in for murder one!"

"I'd say we've milked our products for all they're worth."

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I warned you - if you marry me, you marry the company."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We didn't make out so well in the last round of budget cuts.'

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"