Corporate Comedians Gifts

'And this is Mr Whittingstall...He's in charge of compliance.'

'We're going to have to let you go...we've found someone in china who's 45% better at being you for 24% less.'

'Any questions?'

"When I said 'any questions?' I was using only a figure of speech."

Worker sees clock which says: In case of impossible deadline, break glass.

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

'And that concludes our sensitivity training, any questions? Yes? That fat, big-nosed gentleman in the back?'

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

"We could agree to disagree but then I'd just be preoccupied with you being wrong."

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Think Tank, we are looking to hire 'free thinkers' because our budget has been cut.

"Put me on the intercom. It's time for the Morning Motivational Roar."

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Probably by the water cooler.'

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

one man finishes another's sneeze as a team.

'That's it? That's your backup plan?'

Businessman threatening to sack his wife.

"If you are amenable to that offer, I am prepared to respond with this facial expression."

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'Before I discuss the company's financial situation, anyone who doesn't want to see a grown man cry should leave the room.'

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

Oh, all right. It's a win-win-WIN situation.

'A real person's answered it. I hate that. I'll call back when their voicemail's activated.'

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

'It isn't that we don't have high technology. We don't have any technology.'

'Never meet the problem head on, Ms. Pryor.'

Sandra can you step in here a minute and lie on the floor? And bring a ramp.

'Your office window has a view of the unemployment office, which should serve as motivation to work hard and keep your job.'

'Are you sure you're busy enough Simkins? You seem to have spent the entire day unbending paperclips.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'We run a respectable business here, Miss Faversham, so, just a reminder, no twerking!'

Angry Company president shows board of directors a chart indicating his low mood.