Corporate Comedians Gifts

'And this is Mr Whittingstall...He's in charge of compliance.'

'We're going to have to let you go...we've found someone in china who's 45% better at being you for 24% less.'

'Any questions?'

Worker sees clock which says: In case of impossible deadline, break glass.

"When I said 'any questions?' I was using only a figure of speech."

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'And that concludes our sensitivity training, any questions? Yes? That fat, big-nosed gentleman in the back?'

"We could agree to disagree but then I'd just be preoccupied with you being wrong."

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

Think Tank, we are looking to hire 'free thinkers' because our budget has been cut.

"Put me on the intercom. It's time for the Morning Motivational Roar."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Probably by the water cooler.'

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

one man finishes another's sneeze as a team.

'That's it? That's your backup plan?'

"If you are amenable to that offer, I am prepared to respond with this facial expression."

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

'Before I discuss the company's financial situation, anyone who doesn't want to see a grown man cry should leave the room.'

Businessman threatening to sack his wife.

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

Oh, all right. It's a win-win-WIN situation.

'A real person's answered it. I hate that. I'll call back when their voicemail's activated.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'All right, I wanna know which ones of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

Since I don't understand sports, I have no metaphors to use for our business situation.'

'It isn't that we don't have high technology. We don't have any technology.'

'Never meet the problem head on, Ms. Pryor.'

'Your office window has a view of the unemployment office, which should serve as motivation to work hard and keep your job.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

Man on dock fishing has 'Suggestions' box

'I told you the corporate thinking was set in stone.'