Corporate Comedies Gifts

'DNA analysis of board members shows we're not quite the family business we thought we were.'

'Enjoy this Christmas as much as you can Perkins - then come to see me before the New Year.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"What's a debenture?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"