Job Market Juggernaut Gifts

Business people wait to enter an 'On The Way Up' elevator while a sad man leaves an 'On The Way Out' elevator.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

"We don't have a grievance committee, but we have a grieving committee for fired employees."

The world's most unemployable family

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff

Now hiring.

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'