Job Market Jugglers Gifts

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

'Howdy - I'm Hopalong Incapassidy.'

'Your r

'Times have changed. Now you need a degree just to end up living in your parents' basement.'

Careers guidance

Help Wanted!

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Your resume is excellent, except for your name, which is stupid."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Supermom.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...