Job Application Jugglers Gifts

'Hey, lady...this application wants me to PRINT my name but OBVIOUSLY I don't carry my PRINTER with me!'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Supermom.

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Commutobile

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'Well I like to think every cloud has a silver lining.'

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

"All this stuff? I'm meeting for two now."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."