Job Interview Juggler Gifts

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

Why do you want a career in the bank?

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

Jack and the Beanstalk.