Job Market Jesting Gifts

How are you at decision making?

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

The world's most unemployable family

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'Are you free at the moment?'

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'Your prowess as a mouser got you this job. You're needed in the break area right away.'