Job Interview Humor Lover Gifts

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Two doctors holding hands

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

"We will of course keep you fully uninformed."

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Dig in.'

Job Hunting in the Not-So-Great Depression

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'When you can spare a few minutes, Bromwell, I'd like to discuss those tranquilizers your doctor has you on.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

"A few of the staff are still a little unsure of their roles in the company...so here's a quick recap."

'I'd like to hire you, but you're not serious enough.'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"You're so consistently late that you're pretty much doing my job and docking your own hours."

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

'Take this to your boss. It works for me with my teacher.'

'I get it, Smith. No raise means you'll go over to our competitor.'

'Why did you leave your last job?'

Human resources department is a stock full of humans.

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"