Career Advice Jokesters Gifts

'Steve's career counselor told him he should try to make something of himself, so he decided on 'nuisance.''

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"It's dress down day!"

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"This has you as three feet tall but I don't see you as more than two and a half."

The main reason I was chosen to be the senior manager is my ability to always be calm, wise and right. . .What's that in your hand?! Is that a shiny thing?!!. . ."

STRIP Hambone: Zebra computer repairman

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

How about swapping wives for the day?

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"We need someone who's responsible."

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

"Team, I'd like to introduce Mr. Mandrake aka 'The Sales Magician'."

Invoice...outvoice.