Career Humor Aficionados Gifts

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

Group of people.

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

Warlord

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'OK, what's the first thing we need to capture in our Job Safety Analysis?' 'Don't tick off TINY!'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

On reflection I think I could have coped with just 340 degree feedback.

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Of course the teasts are complete nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them must be highly motivated...

Goodyear Blimp flying round globe.

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'We will no longer make major decisions based upon our playing 'one potato; two potato'...'

'Our stock has been going up all week. What are we doing right?'

"A 'take charge' guy would be nice but I'm looking for more of the 'take blame' type."