Career Humor Appreciator Gifts

'Nice smile! What do you think?'

"APART from loyalty and an interest in fetching sticks is there anything else you could bring to the position."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

Management Reshuffle

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"It appears they are in no hurry to start negotiating."