Career Advice Jokesters Pillows

'Steve's career counselor told him he should try to make something of himself, so he decided on 'nuisance.''

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'Are you free at the moment?'

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"It's dress down day!"

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

The main reason I was chosen to be the senior manager is my ability to always be calm, wise and right. . .What's that in your hand?! Is that a shiny thing?!!. . ."

STRIP Hambone: Zebra computer repairman

"This has you as three feet tall but I don't see you as more than two and a half."

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

How about swapping wives for the day?

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

"We need someone who's responsible."

Living Longer Magazine.

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

"Team, I'd like to introduce Mr. Mandrake aka 'The Sales Magician'."