Career Advice Comic Fans Pillows

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

Office Politics Superstore.

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

"The pay will be commensurate with your ability to pull the wool over my eyes."

'It's not that I don't appreciate the work you do for us, it's just that nobody does.'

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

Lemon Flavored Water (Instead of Raises)

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

"I already have a co-worker replacement."

'Fortunately, Henderson's no fool - He's a damn'd fool.'

'Your falback position, Petersen, is out the door.'

I'm the vice president of something or other...

'So, you're looking for casual labour!'

'We need more boots on the ground.'

'So much for being a fast-track guy.'

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do provide a very attractive escape hatch."

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

'I'm changing the holiday schedule, you're on holiday from now.'

'We're hoping to get enough for the boss to take early retirement.'

The job carries 'salary but no health cover' or 'health cover but no salary.'

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."

'Is this the one with the fault?'

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

In case of fire, change subject.

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

'We've been looking at a new 'incentive' scheme. The incentive is you get to keep your job!'

'How long have you been with us now, Jeffrey?'

I need to take some bereavement time off. "Bereavement time"? Let me check