Humor In Career Advice Gifts

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"What's your occupation?"

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Haha, just kidding!"

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

"The boss is not very bright." "True, but if he was smart you wouldn't have a job."

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"What can I DO? I'm Lightning Larry, for God's Sake!"

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Career counselor: 'If you want a great job, that won't be exported, get into politics.'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

'I want to be a weatherman or a pundit. They never have to be right all the time.'

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"I do what I love, so I never work a day in my life."

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

Friendly Fire: 'Good to see you, Geoff. . . wife and kids ok? How's the garden looking this summer? You're sacked!'