Career Advice Enthusiast Gifts

"Keeping down twelve pints is rather impressive, Mr Bagley, but can you describe any other, rather more pertinent, strengths?"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Feel free to take notes."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

"The boss told me I have to start at the bottom."

The world's most unemployable family

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'Jumping over a candle stick is known as an entry level job.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'