Career Advice Gifts

'What! You're 7 years old and don't have a life plan yet?'

Friendly Fire: 'Good to see you, Geoff. . . wife and kids ok? How's the garden looking this summer? You're sacked!'

"What can I DO? I'm Lightning Larry, for God's Sake!"

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

'No education, no skills, no experience, no character references... I'm afraid the only thing left for you is politics.'

At the careers Office - "I want to be a corporate lawyer - that'll be �350 please!"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'You want to be rich and famous? You want book contracts and you want Hollywood to make a film of your life? Well, become a serial killer!'

'It doesn't contain anything that'll help you find a job.'

"These are your basic career options."

'You're looking for an eventful job where you can meet many interesting people? Hm, how about undertaker or Mafia killer?'

"Based on your poor academic results, I would recommend a career in politics..."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'If I ever get my hands on that stupid career counselor....'

'Choose rich parents.'

'Steve's career counselor told him he should try to make something of himself, so he decided on 'nuisance.''

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

"You may not understand redundant or superflurous but this may say it better. 'Get out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan'."

'Yesterday I had an near-jobless experience!'

"I went down to the state unemployment office like you said, Dad. I explained that I had no skills, no experience and no actual desire to work...I start working there Monday! They said I'd be perfect!"

"It's my way or the highway! Here's a fastpass to the freeway."

"I'm sorry, but you're over-qualified."

"Have you considered vlogging?"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

"my advice is meet someone, fall in love and start a family. But do it before you're indicted."

"Have you considered the option of being chopped up into small pieces and chargrilled in a mid range restaurant?"

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Haha, just kidding!"

"I wasn't always a big success in business. In fact, I'm still not."

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

Daily horoscope: Taurus.

"I'm just saying, today might not be the best day to ask the boss for a raise!"

"I've been up all night drinking to prepare for this interview."