Career Changers With Humor Gifts

"I've enjoyed being a pet, but it's time for me to get a real job."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Planned service changes

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I hate my job!"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'