Comedy Career Changer Gifts

"So I reckon this is your first rodeo."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

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'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'