Devilishly Funny Career Changers Gifts

"Look – you want a new career as a fireman, that's fine. But I wouldn't wear that thing around here in the mean time."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Planned service changes

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I hate my job!"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'