Career Changer Extraordinaire Gifts

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Planned service changes

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"Any experience?"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I hate my job!"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'