Quirky Career Changer Gifts

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

The world's most unemployable family

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

Blend Schools

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I hate my job!"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"Sure, you could make a good living in private industry, but believe me, you wouldn't be running any kingdoms."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

"I'm a retired doctor."