Quirky Career Changer Pillows

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

The world's most unemployable family

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

Blend Schools

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

The Remote Olympics

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."