Career Changer Gifts

"The first thing you need to do is update your résumé."

No 1 in a series of unlikely events: "Social work is such a meaningful worthwhile work that I've decided to give up my lucrative law practise to join you!"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"Hi, Dad. Investment banking wasn't that great after all."

'Mr Bagley, I'm afraid there's rather more to being a bishop than having your own hat.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'But I don't want to build toys. I want to be an accountant!'

"Your last job sounds terrible."

'He was a physician, but because of all the difficult patients he gave it up and became a veterinarian.'

'I used to be an investment banker...but I am alright now.'

'I dunno Jim...Accounting just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

'Three letters of recommendation - do you have any from anyone other than your former wardens?'

'I used to be on the cutting edge, always pushing the envelope. Now I stuff them.'

"I see you've spent the last twenty years driving a cab."

'I understand you're looking for engineers.'

'I'd love to get a different job, but all I know is being an dung beetle.'

"I'm burned out on fetching. I'm thinking of changing careers."

'I should have been a Lawyer.'

"Oh, that...Yeah, for a long time I did follow my passion, but everyone said I sucked at it. So now I'm an accountant."

"I've decided to pursue a military career in the private sector."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'I know you needed a career change, Dear, but we were doing so much better when you were an accountant!'

'I was a hunter and I was a gatherer, Now I'm a free-trade lobbyist between the two,'

'Tell me, Mr Tolteck, have you applied for the headhunter or the key account manager position?'

'I'm afraid we don't have anything for you right now, but if we get really depserate for people we'll be in touch.'

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"You're desperate - I like that."

Planned service changes

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

"I take it that's a no?"

Job centre: 'Have you considered becoming an organ donor?'

'How are the job opportunities here tonight?'

'You left your resume in the copier. Tell me where your applying and I'll send it right out!'

'There's a big, wide, wonderful world of opportunity out there, Figgins, and I can't bear to keep you from it for another minute.'