Career Changemaker Gifts

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I've been sent home with unemployable-like symptoms."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I hate my job!"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I'm a retired doctor."